I’ve just hit a milestone with my horse Cole that I’ve been looking forward to for a long time: at the end of 2023 we marked 20 years together. And it’s significant to me personally because it’s exactly what I wanted when I bought him as three-year-old. I wanted a horse that I could have for the rest of his life. A horse that would be my horse and maybe my future child’s first horse as well–way down the road, of course, at the time that I found him. I wanted another horse in my life but more importantly a partner. And he’s certainly been that and more. He’s been my closest friend in a lot of ways, seeing me through some huge growth and change in 20 years. He became a trusted constant in my life and a friend who is family.
When I bought Cole in his third year, I was a freshly graduated from college 22-year-old. He wasn’t my first horse. I was lucky to have the greatest first horse for me as a young girl: a kind and patient Paint named Rocky. And I still had my second horse, a retired Appendix American Quarter Horse Association (AQHA) Hunter/Jumper named Forrest, who had taken care of me for years and whom I loved deeply. And by the way, I knew it all at this point—how everything was going to go and what I was going to do. When I met Cole, he was an adorable, black (my favorite color at the time) AQHA with so much potential to be a fabulous all-around horse. And I was a college grad with a lot of potential too, but I didn’t have a great job. I didn’t have a lot of money, but I lived very close to the barn that I rode at and kept Forrest at still. I bought Cole with the idealism of youth—the big job was coming and, of course, since I had a degree, I would sort it all out. I had my golden ticket to life. My phenomenal plan was to buy the best young horse I could with the money I had, so I could get as nice of a horse as possible for my money, and to also ensure many years of riding and fun together. So simple. That college education was really paying off already!
Fortunately, I lucked into the job I wanted due to having a horse at this barn, so in a lot of ways horses ushered in my first big-girl job. I thought I wanted to be lawyer and I just happened to meet a new boarder who had a trail horse there who was a lawyer looking for an assistant. I spent a year working for her learning that in fact I did NOT want to go to law school, and a year that I had a Monday-Friday, 8am-4pm workday with plenty of time to go ride my young horse after work and on weekends. I learned that I loved the process of training with my little horse. It was so fascinating seeing him take in the world, and he was so game to try new things. It was however, NOT fascinating to basically do other people’s homework for my day job (that’s what law firm life felt like to me) and studying for the LSAT at night made me realize that logic isn’t easy or fun. I grew up in the first year with Cole. A LOT. I also realized that I missed North Carolina and my family being close. I had been living in the Atlanta area after college at Kennesaw State University, and the call to return home was getting stronger and stronger for me.
Cole was such a great first type of young horse because he kept me safe. But he also made me think young horses were sort of easy. I “trail rode” him through a neighborhood full of kids on bikes and cars tooling around. He always just followed the horse we were with. The first time I rode him in the neighborhood solo a school bus stopped right beside us and flipped out the STOP sign. Whoops—not great timing on my part. Cole just snorted once and took it in. Then a kid flew up behind him on a bike with streamers and he stared pretty good at that before he just picked up the big walk and strolled on home. I was proud of him but took for granted how level-headed and balanced he was. I had bought him with 30 days of under saddle training, and then myself and my fantastic trainer at the time, Danielle, both rode him a lot that first year. But it was easy training…nothing intense. He had a great brain: he was trusting of people but also a bit of a problem-solver who trusted himself. I adore that still about him.
Since law school was a no-go, I decided to get another degree: Equine Business. I had that fancy Bachelor’s Degree already but didn’t want to work for a large corporate entity and thought that I’d eventually like to go into business for myself. I loved horses, so there must be something in the horse world for me. Cole had already shown me I liked riding young horses, I thought. I applied to go to school at Saint Andrews Presbyterian College in Laurinburg, NC. I was accepted and Cole and I carted off to school together that next fall.
The facility at Saint Andrews was gorgeous, and the care was top-notch too. And my little 4-year-old gelding took it all in stride. Looking back, I’m even more impressed with his adaptability. He moved into a gigantic barn on a huge property and barely batted an eye at the new surroundings. Wide open spaces never bothered him. I could ride across a giant field to get to my lessons, and he was never worried leaving the horses at one end of the property for the other. The only hitch in my whole plan was that I entered a program that was at the time suited almost entirely for established hunter/jumper horses. They took riders of all skill levels but there wasn’t much in the way of skill assessment and placement for a young, still-learning-the-ropes, type of horse. We were thrown into lessons where everyone jumped the same course at the same height fence and that was just how it went. Cole had jumped some, but no courses. We’d done gymnastics, but it was all set up for him with his youth in mind. We were both over-faced but took it all in stride. He truly did the best he could with what was put in front of him. And I trusted him, which mattered more than anything.
Because the focus of the lesson program was hunters and jumpers, the fact that he was a Quarter Horse tended to be noted as a limitation. He was not 16 hands. He did not have a gigantic stride for a smaller (15.2 hand) horse, so he could not make it down the lines in the correct number of strides. Almost every lesson focused in some way on this issue and ended with us adding strides. I rode other horses as well and learned that I truly loved my horse all-the-more. He was green but reliable and I knew him better because of our relationship. I began to realize that I wasn’t as hungry for riding all types of horses as I had hypothesized. I was much more into my journey with my own horse.
I was at a crossroads though, and I didn’t know it yet. At the end of that first year there, though we had learned a ton and had experienced a lot of growth, at the same time my inquisitive and bright little guy was becoming irritable and losing some of his happy, playful ways. And that made me feel like I had failed him in some ways. I hated thinking that I was not preserving his curiosity and playfulness which were so innately him. Right before the summer break, one of the instructors did a class on Natural Horsemanship because she utilized it with her own horses. I decided to take the summer and do a natural horsemanship program with Cole. I wanted a change, and I wanted his happy to come back. He and I jumped in and never really turned back.
Cole taught me so much about horse psychology through trying out this program with him. I began to see when he really liked something and when he didn’t. We learned how to explore concepts on the ground first and how to ride with a bit more intention and communication. We didn’t jump any jumps for a while until he was basically dragging me over to them and saying he wanted to jump. I had him working at liberty in a huge ring that happened to be set up with a 3-foot course, and on this particular day Cole went out and free jumped 10 fences making his own little course. I was dumbstruck in the middle just watching him. He was such a hoot, and I know he was laughing at me in that way that only horses can.
At the same time, I had gotten more interested in becoming a Therapeutic Riding Instructor more than a horse trainer, so I finished my education at Saint Andrews with that focus and loved all that education. It seriously was the best of the best in my opinion. Next, Cole and I set out to find a therapeutic riding instructor job and ended up creating and running a program at Camp Pee Dee in Bennettsville, South Carolina for 3 years together. I’d never had a horse job (besides feeding and cleaning stalls), and it was so much fun at that point in my life. Cole and I spent so much time together. We rode trails, I taught off of him, we furthered our liberty work, and I truly had a horse that I could do just about anything with. And he was only 6 years old when we first moved there. It was a blast for 20-something me. I worked more than I’d ever worked in my life, but I loved it.
After three years we left that work as much as I deeply loved it and ended up on our own farm. I had decided to restart my life with a normal job and not work in the horse industry any longer. It had taken a toll on my enthusiasm for my personal goals with horses, and I also had a failing marriage that I was trying to repair at that point. So, we all moved to the farm. Having Cole and the other couple of horses I had acquired at that point right outside my door was a dream-come-true. The marriage ended and so then it was me and Cole and our dog, cats, and horse friends. I was also working on a master’s degree at the time to teach English at the high school level. The whole thought being that I would probably like it, but that I would also have time to ride in the afternoons and summers. So again, Cole and I had quite a bit of time to spend together while I was in school yet again, which made me super happy. Sometimes it was too quiet, and I felt like I only had horse and dog friends, but that’s how divorces can go, I think. Anyway, it’s how mine went.
When I started teaching high school, I really didn’t ride as much, but Cole and I spent so much time together just in life. Anytime I wanted to ride he was game. I could even just hop on bareback and enjoy the property without any fear of what he’d do. We’d known each other around 10 years at this point, so I knew what his “spooks” were: a snort and a crow hop. I marvel now at how nice that is to just know what you have in each other like that. I really took it for granted.
Teaching high school wasn’t a joy to me like I hoped it would be. I enjoyed the time with the students but none of the rest of the job, so I decided I needed a career shift after about three years of trying. The hardest part of the whole thing was realizing I couldn’t support the farm and horses and be entry-level in the marketing career I wanted. I made the tough decision to lease out the farm, and Cole along with his best buddy Hobbes went back to Camp Pee Dee. Cole was part of the program there for a couple of years and then went to live with a friend’s family to be a family horse, always with the understanding that I would take him and Hobbes back if ever they wanted me to. It was a hard choice to make on one hand and the only choice to make on the other hand. By this time, I had a marketing consulting business and I was engaged to my now-husband. I was beginning my journey with dressage and was leasing Max, my first dressage horse. We then decided to move back to the farm to sort out what to do next: sell it or keep it.
As soon as word got out that we were moving back to the farm, I was told that Cole and Hobbes really needed to come and live with us again. It was a no-brainer for me. Thankfully my new husband was a gracious and kind man and he never even thought of saying no.
The day they came back was a pivotal moment for me. They hopped off the trailer looking haggard. But Cole assessed where he was, took a big, deep breath, and it’s like he knew he was home. Like, really knew it in his bones. He transferred some of his peace to me that day, because the farm didn’t feel like home again until Cole and Hobbes got there too. Max came a couple of weeks later and the farm felt even more right. Three happy bachelor geldings was a good fit here.
That was almost 7 years ago, and as always, he’s been the steady friend and ever-present gaze on our life. We’ve added to the herd and lost part of the herd, but he’s been a constant for me and for them. He’s carried my family. Countless rides for my cousins, niece and nephew, and eventually my son as well. He’s done all the things I’ve ever wanted him to do. My only regret is that he didn’t stay fully sound longer, but he’s been sound enough to be comfortable at 23-years-old, and for that I’m thankful. It’s funny, he only hurt me once in all that time, but it was a doozy. He kicked my left thigh so hard and fast that I honestly laid there in disbelief when it happened wondering what had hit me. Realizing it was him, I was dumbfounded and in all kinds of shock. Luckily nothing was broken, but I do have a scar on my left thigh that serves as a reminder that even the most steady and peaceful horse souls are still herd and prey animals. I was walking behind him after I threw hay out that night and I think he just saw movement and kicked in instinct to keep his hay to himself. To be honest, he and I definitely had to work through that for a bit. Being as human as I am, I was mad at him for a while, and being as horse as he is, he knew it. But like the friends that we are, we made it to the other side.
We’ve seen the best and worst of each other, me and this horse, and over a significant span of life. He knows he’s special and that he can come ask for cookies as often as he wants. I know that I can rely on him to share his peace with me and with the rest of the farm. He’s the calming presence for the rest of the herd, and he demonstrably loves his mini donkey more than any other equine I’ve ever seen him with. He and Doc share everything—food, naps, play, and affection. It’s been so sweet to see him have a bond like this as a senior and to see that he has so much love to give. In all the time I’ve known him I’ve never seen him so attached to one friend. I’ve seen lots of us attached to him, but to see him so attached to his friend does my heart so much good. I’m glad we got the donkey always, but I’m now sure we got him for Cole—we just weren’t aware of that at the time.
My goal these days for Cole is to have happy days and to enjoy every single bit of his time. I hope to take the chance to give him as many cookies as he requests and to spend time enjoying each other. After all he’s given me, the least I can give him is a chance to bask in all that this farm and family has to offer to a sweet soul who deserves it more than I can express. My son calls Cole his horse now. And it’s perfect. My four-year-old kid and my coming 24-year-old best friend being buddies is a beautiful sight. It truly doesn’t get any sweeter than that and in his way, he just keeps out-giving the rest of us. That’s how horses are, and he has taught me more about horses and their innate character than anyone so far. To receive such a teacher is one of the best gifts I could have ever received, and I am forever grateful to be the person in his life.
